I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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