his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
