omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
