I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I look better un-naked...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize