it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
