Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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