Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
