He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
