Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
