two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
As shirtless as possible
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
