I need to stop coming to work sober
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
