Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
