I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
