I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
