i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
