I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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