i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
