so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
