how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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