he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
