just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
