well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
