I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
