I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
