I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
In America we eat man semen.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
