Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
