So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
