Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
