I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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