Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
