I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
