so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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