You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
