i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
