Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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