My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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