What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
