I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
