I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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