I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
