just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
