Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
