I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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