God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
