Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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