I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize