my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
