This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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