maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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