I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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