This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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