i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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