My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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