Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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