I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
