It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
