Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
