Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
