she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
