In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
