i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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