I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
