Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
